I Disagree With Fr. Corapi! Or A Cry For Help?

Is Father Corapi Wrong Or Is This A Cry For Your Help?

Sometimes the comments we get are gut wrenching. When someone honestly shares their heart breaking story, it can be very emotional and yet a grace filled moment. Let me introduce you to Bobby.  After you read this, can you please do me a little favor by helping out Bobby with my request at the end of the post?

Bobby left us comment. One full of sorrow. He questions the comments Father Corapi left us in Father’s Christmas message to us. To refresh you here is the post.    Bobby’s comment centered around this Fr. Corapi message.

This year approach Christmas as you would approach the Christ Child himself – with reverence and with thanksgiving. Allow nothing to rob your joy at this precious time. Sadness has no place in reality, true reality, for the Word has become flesh and dwelt among us. Humanity and divinity have been joined in Jesus, now come to us as an infant. In the cold winter of human hearts there is often no room at the Inn for the Holy Family. Make room in the warmth of your heart for the infant King  the Lord of Lords and King of Kings.

Bobby’s comment:

In most cases, I will agree with Father Corapi. But I keep going back to “Reality demands that at Christmas we will to be happy, after all “A Child has been born to us!”” Christ was born, and a Child has been born to us. Over two months ago my wife and I’s firstborn died during childbirth very suddenly and unexpectantly. In our case, a child was born to us, but it was not to last.

We are joyful for Christ and His gift of salvation, but heartbreak and sadness is still prevalent. I don’t think my wife chooses to be sad, and despite her best efforts and staying close to the sacraments, she doesn’t cry at night because she is happy, but rather it’s because she is sad, and completely heartbroken. I am doing a little better than her, but I am not exactly happy either, and there isn’t a day or moment that goes by that I don’t think about how Mary Catherine will not be with us this Christmas.

Some people should be happier during this time, but in reality, suffering still occurs, and happiness sometimes is not possible. To say that sadness has no place in Christmas or any other time is taking a wide brush to paint something that isn’t reality.

Here is my simple request from you.

Can you leave Bobby a comment?

  • Maybe a voice of encouragement
  • How about a comment of something related that has happened to you and the results God has given you
  • Can you share in more detail what Fr. Corapi is teaching us

But most of all . . .

Can you share what prayers and sacrifices you are willing to make for Bobby and his family? Could you?  Even if you don’t normally leave comments, can this be the exception?  We want well over 50 comments.  Will you do your part?  Can you post this on Facebook or your website?


God bless you all!

John Quinn

P.S. – Would you do Courageous Priest a favor and share this info with your friends on Facebook, Twitter or Email right now? We truly appreciate it. Or leave a comment, we would love to hear what you think.

63 comments to I Disagree With Fr. Corapi! Or A Cry For Help?

  • Ron

    Father Corapi has had losses in his life also. Knowing this, I have to assume that he has found something in God that makes such losses, less mournful. And I can see how saintly souls can have that kind of joy. I’m not there yet, but pray that in time God will make me into His image also. I can understand somehow, though from a distance now, that such saddness can be less powerful over us. We must believe it is true, even if we aren’t capable of it yet.

  • Daud from Syria

    Dear Bobby,

    It’s a paradox. On earth Jesus was “a man of sorrows accustomed to infirmity” (Is 53:3). But he also was a man of great joy. He says, “I have told you this that my joy may be in you and your joy may be perfect”. (John 15:11) Where did this joy come from? HOPE. Prayer is a form of hope, said JPII. Jesus was a man of hope, a man of prayer. Jesus looked straight into the utter darkness of mankind and saw the hope of God’s light. He believed that He could transform us, not against our will but by his call to love. This call comes most powerfully from the cross and that is where you, Bobby, are standing. Look at Jesus. Look at Jesus dying just like Jesus looked at the blind and lame and believed that they could be healed, like he looked at the brokenhearted and believed in their comfort. God is the Light of Truth. He his the light, “believe in the light while you have the light” (John 12:26). Believe that the light that shines from the cross of Christ can heal all your wounds and he will. Truth can heal. Truth is that God is good, always. Truth is Love, forever. Truth is that God so loved the world that, while we were in sin, he gave his only son so that all who believe would not perish but have eternal life. Believe this and you will conquer Satan. Satan is tempting your wife to despair, just like he tempted Mary when Joseph and then Jesus died. But she didn’t give in. She believed in the goodness of God. Jesus was dead and it seemed that all hope was lost. What did Mary say. “God is good”, she said, “God is my everything, He is enough. He is my portion and my lot. He is my God, and I am his unworthy child.”

    “Blessed are they who mourn they will be comforted”. Put every ounce of trust in the Lord, just like Job did – he will vindicate you. We are all Jesus instruments of love, and a priest is the representative of his person. In your emptiness, God is opening in you a new place, a new world that is now a world of pain but it has been opened – and if it is offered to God, he will fill it with his joy. This joy is is very presence.

    “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 MUST always be followed up by Romans 8:29 because that tells us the purpose: “For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son”.

    You are becoming close to Christ, he is in you, with you, and he whispers to you and your wife’s hearts: be One with me, allow me to take all your sorrows upon myself and I will carry you home.

    I love you in Jesus, and we are one in his body,

    Daud min Syria

  • Greg

    Dear Bobby

    We lost a child to SID’s sudden infant death syndrome at 3 months old. We believe that our child is with the Lord in Heaven as yours is but this does not mean we are not sad and have not grieved. Jesus grieved and His mother did as well. Since then God has called us to an even deeper trust and it takes time WEll pray for you God bless

  • Terrie Dargis

    Dear Bobby

    My husband and I suffered a similar loss. Our beautiful daughter, Nicolette, died just a few days before her due date. She had become entangled in the umbilical cord. What was hardest for us was that a mother’s womb should be the safest place for a child to be, yet our child died of a simple accident. The Christmas after she died was awful. Both my husband and I had no desire to celebrate anything! But we did our best for the sake of our other children. Over time (this was 5 years ago) the pain has lessened, and we have been blessed with 2 more daughters since. I think it is necessary to be sad…Christ wept when Lazarus died. But sadness joined to the cross of Christ becomes redemptive and therefor a cause of hope and joy. We have found this sorrow to be very purifying, and I am grateful to have had the opportunity to offer to Our Lord this profound suffering, not only at the time it occurred, but each and every day, for it remains a part of me. Remember, God cannot be outdone in generosity.

  • Robert Kelly

    For you and your wife Bobby, I will offer my Rosary today and leave you with this beautiful prayer from St Francis de Sales. You don’t feel or see it now, but this cross you bear will bring unimaginable graces and strength to you for now and all eternity. . .

    “The everlasting God has in His wisdom foreseen from eternity the cross that He now presents to you as a gift from His inmost heart. This cross He now sends you He has considered with His all-knowing eyes, understood with His divine mind, tested with His wise justice, warmed with loving arms and weighed with His own hands to see that it be not one inch too large and not one ounce too heavy for you. He has blessed it with His holy Name, anointed it with His consolation, taken one last glance at you and your courage, and then sent it to you from heaven, a special greeting from God to you, an alms of the all-merciful love of God.”

  • Joni :)

    Bobby, To you and your wife, I will pray for you and offer a Mass — the greatest love and sacrifice! I have 5 beautiful children and one stillborn at 5 months. It was definitely an ordeal and I know the sufferings you feel for your newly born are very hard to bear! Place those crosses at the foot of our Lord’s cross and let Him carry it for you! The tears and sadness are there but if you allow our Lord to lift you up, you will feel His compassion and caress. You will feel Him carrying you like a baby in His arms!!! God is our loving father! I don’t know if this will help cuz it’s unrelated to your loss, but it’s a story of a mom who was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer with 7 young children. If you read her blog beginning back in November of 09, you will see how she turned her sufferings into joy! http://raisingsaints.blogspot.com/ May God bless you with an abundance of children because you have already accomplished the first angel in heaven — our goal as parents! You are in my prayers!

  • David D

    Dear Bobby,

    My deepest sympathy for you and your wife. I lost my brother at Christmas time a few years ago. He went to a work “break up” Christmas party and never came home. He had fallen in a river and drowned. I was not Catholic then. I had a broken heart that only seemed to hurt even more as Christmas approached each year. God had not really entered my life but I needed someone to scream at. AS the screaming died down, I discovered God. He is the hope that one day we will all be re-united in eternal life. Now I can celebrate Christmas again without feeling the guilt of not being full of sorrow. My joy is the “hope” that was born in Bethlehem on Christmas day.

    It takes time and alot of tears.
    God bless you both

  • Sadra B

    To Bobby and his lovely wife – do not be upset, Jesus loves you – I know it may seem a strange way of loving, but He does nothing without a reason. Although I’m a pensioner now, I have four children. All have given up their faith which breaks my heart. They are good living people but think that God is too loving for there to be a hell – we know different. Mary Catherine is in heaven – you’ve actually got something to celebrate. Maybe God is ‘lonely’ for all those lost children (and remember God calls all of us ‘children’). Remember, at the general resurrection when each name is called out, Mary Catherine will say “I’m here Lord”, but what of all the other names, when there will only be silence.

    God has asked a great sacrifice of you both – now will come the reward, so hang on in there, and be joyful for your child is in the presence of God, and believe me, if we truly understood how that feels, we would die because it would be too much for our human nature.

    I don’t feel the terrible times I have been through would be of benefit to you – we all have to walk our way on the path to Calvary in blind faith.

    Love you dear souls. God bless you both.

  • Maryanne Linkes

    You are your wife will be in my prayers. We are humans with a fallen human nature living in the world. We are bound to feel sadness, anger, anxiety, etc. This is not uncommon nor is it a sin. But what is important is what we do with it. I offer my fear, my sadness, my anxiety to the Lord every day. We offer him our good fruits, He also wants us to lay our sufferings next to Him also. Unite your suffering to Jesus – it may not immediately make you feel happy or calm or peaceful, but it shows your faith in him.

    Mary felt sadness at the suffering and loss of her son. But she never lost faith or acceptance of the will of God.

    We don’t know why things happen. But we will when we get to heaven. And that is where Mary Catherine is now, in heaven. And you and your wife want to be there also. So don’t stress about your feelings – just pray for strength and courage and hope and stay faithful. God bless you.

  • Theresa

    Because of the birth of Jesus Christ, his death opened up the gates of Heaven for us! And that is where your child is waiting for you and will meet you there in Gods time! But for now that sweet baby is you personal prayer warrior for you time on earth…Blessings and Gods healing upon you and yours…………

  • I know that God in all of the Trinity, Our Blessed Mother, and all in heaven understand the plight of the broken hearted. Is it not written in the scripture Rachel finds no comfort in the loss of her child. We have a gentle, loving, compassionate, and Merciful God. We are loved where we are in our pain. God will guide us out. The path and length of time the journey takes is between each individual heart and God. Some places we travel can help to make us better, some places not so much… Fr. Corapi can be hard and tough in his presentation. I beleive he is speaking to those of us who need a real dressing down as would be said in the military. He has a compassionate heart for the broken-hearted, I know this to be true. He understands the suffering of loss and the struggle to find peace amid the insanity. I suspect that his message was not meant for you.

  • Terry

    Mary Catherine & Bobby,

    You have my deepest sympathy. I can not imagine your pain and suffering. The only thing I can offer you are my prayers and sufferings this day. May the Peace of Christ and His Blessed Mother be upon you this great feast day to Our Lady.

  • Mary

    Dear Bobby and (your wife),
    Sadness and pain are normal, expected, and OK right now, especially during Christmas. Just a year ago I lost a baby at 7 months of pregnancy. It was unexpected. We were so looking forward to Samantha being a part of our family. It took months before the CONSTANT pain went away. But it did. It is no longer constant. Just brief moments of longing for a child that was to be a special part of our lives. This Thanksgiving (and I am sure for this Christmas as well) it feels as though someone is missing around us. It will feel that way for the two of you as well. But here is the beauty of Christ’s love….Christ was born, so all things could be made new. Because of the first Christmas, our suffering, our pain, our insufficiencies can be turned into fruit, into blessings that make our journey toward Christ and our eternal home shorter, more direct. So while you may feel sad and despair, you must also recall the joy that Christ is asking from us, and be truly joyful that a loving God is always calling you closer to Him, even if in ways that are mysterious. Find the joy in having each other, the joy in the small graces that come through your friends, your family. The small consolations that God gives you at odd moments in your day. Smile, knowing that Mary Catherine is sitting in Blessed Mary’s lap, whispering to Jesus and Mary her Christmas wish for you and your wife to feel peace and love during the season.

    Many prayers your way,

  • Michele

    Dear Bobby,
    I am very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter, Mary Catherine. You, your wife, and your angel will be in my prayers. There are very few words of consolation that will make you feel better, at this time, however, there are people throughout the world who are able to feel your deep loss in different ways, and are reaching out to you and your wife. I have also lost babies, it doesn’t matter if it is one or many, it is, and always will be a loss, and each one is etched in my mind forever. The time, the feelings, the despair, the sadness, the heaviness of the heart, the days. As Linda wrote regarding her neighbor who is 70 yrs old, when you think about them, it’s right then and there, it’s not “when it happened”. For me, the loss hasn’t gone away, it’s just different. I carry it quietly w/in myself. Some know and acknowledge my losses, some know and approach it w/an attitude of “get over it”. I don’t “wear it on my sleeve” everyday of my life, however, they are a part of me that will never be forgotten. I pray to them asking for their intercessory prayers for their siblings here on earth, and for their mom and dad. I look forward to seeing them in heaven, when I enter. In the beginning, the despair was so intense it felt as though my insides were being ripped out of me, along w/wanting to vomit. I laid and cried for days, then I got up, had to “act normal” b/c that was what was expected of me. I am expected to be the “strong one” for both families, feelings aren’t allowed. As I’ve aged, I am learning to nurture myself better, and take care of my pain when it comes to me. You and your wife, need to grieve this Christmas, it’s normal, don’t “suck it up”, and be “normal” to make others happy in not having to deal w/their discomfort. Gather w/people who will support you through this Christmas season. Cling to each other. Hold your wife, let her cry as much as she needs to, DON’T allow yourselves to be seperated by this loss, don’t shut each other out, if you do, get counseling. At night, cling to your wife, and pray the Rosary, either together, or you say it while she listens. Or, if it’s too hard for either of you, play a Rosary CD in your bedroom, and go to sleep to that. Pray to Mary Catherine, talk to her, ask her to intercede for you and her mom. Unite your pain w/the Blessed Mother, asking her to purify your pain, agony, fears, anger, and any other feelings and attach them to the crucifix w/her son, Jesus. Ask Jesus to give both of you the strength, courage and grace to make it through one day at a time. Luke 11:9-10 “…so it is w/prayer-keep on asking and you will keep on getting; keep on looking and you will keep on finding; knock and the door will be opened. Everyone who asks, receives, all who seek, find; and the door is opened to everyone who knocks.” I also take Fr. Corapi’s statement of joy at this time, more in the sense of thanksgiving, that our soul’s now have a chance to be saved b/c Baby Jesus was sent to us vs joy in the materialistic way. With saying that, God knows what you are going through, and understands that you are clinging desperately to just make it through each day, just don’t turn your backs on God, b/c that is when things will get worse, not better. Dawn’s reply from 12/5 @ 6:13 p.m. is beautiful. I would print that off, and read it often. God works miracles in our lives as long as we are open to them, and God will make good come out of the tragedy of the loss of your daughter. During my moments of deep despair, I turn to Psalm 119:25-27 “I am completely discouraged-I lie in the dust. Revive me by your Word. I told you my plans and you replied. Now give me your instructions. Make me understand what you want; for then I shall see your miracles.” I have clung to these verses many times, and through God’s grace, and many wonderful prayer warriors, I have been raised up, and brought further into our glorious, bountiful Catholic religion and teachings, which has only brought me deeper into wanting more and more of God, His Son, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Today is Our Lady’s Immaculate Conception, as I pray and do my Rosary I will ask that Our Lady will, today, and always keep your family protected under her mantle. Please know, others care, and will be praying for your family, and your beautiful daughter, Mary Catherine. Praised be Jesus and Mary!

  • Deacon Terry

    Dear Bobby,

    I cannot imagine the pain that you and your wife are going through. Sometimes when I preside at funeral vigils I end the homily by telling the story of The Master Weaver. Here it is. Please share this with your wife.


    Life is like a beautiful tapestry. God, the Master Weaver, skillfully weaves each thread. Yet, there seems to be no sense to the tapestry’s underside with its crisscrossing and unsightly knots. From above, however, God works each thread in perfect order and the tapestry is magnificent to behold. Right now, we see life from the bottom of the tapestry. Like the paths of the threads, the events in our lives often make no sense. But someday we will see the magnificent tapestry of life from above……………………………………………..

    and then we will understand Author unknown

    God Bless you and your wife.
    Peace in Christ,
    Deacon Terry

  • Ruby, Sydney Australia

    Dear Bobby,

    You must acknowledge that what you are going through is normal. You are sad because you lost a child. You have to go through the normal grieving process. It is not healthy to suppress it nor pretend that it is not happening. Weeping and crying is God’s design for our bodies to transform a spiritual longing to love and be loved. We are created in God’s image and likeness… our Lord Jesus Himself, cried and weep over the death of Lazarus. Moreover, Jesus constantly weeps each time a soul chooses hell. He is sad because He wanted His children to be with Him, but instead many people reject God. Sadness over losing a child is not bad at all. In fact it gives an evidence on how much one cares and how much love is in one’s heart – especially a parents’ heart – the heart burning to give love to a child. This is the same way our Eternal Father burns with love for us and wanting us to be with Him in heaven.

    When sadness is prolonged and despair sets in… then this becomes unhealthy. If both or any of you loses focus on other blessings and loses hope then this becomes a problem. Despair and hopelessness are characteristics of those who do not trust Jesus. Jesus brings hope and if one does not believe in the hope He brings that one day all of His children will be with Him, then this person has not fully trusted God. If one trusts God, He will surrender each little thing under God’s control and power. You must think that earthly life is temporary – this is not our real home – but our real home is with God in heaven. You must thank God that your child is now in her real home and is spared of many tears and sufferings in this wretched world.

    Overcoming grief is not easy, but it is always possible with the help of God.
    I recommend that everytime you are hit by a sudden overwhelming sadness, then you and your wife must pray this.



    St Michael the Archangel, defend us in the day of battle, be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the heavenly hosts, by the Divine Power of God, cast down to hell satan and all evil spirits, who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen


    Our Lady, the Blessed Virgin Mary teaches us not to be attached to people and things in unhealthy way. She teaches us of surrendering our will to God. She teaches us to fully trust God’s design. We will never comprehend God’s plan for our lives and people’s part in our lives while we still live on earth. It is only in the next life that we will see the bigger picture why things happened as they did or why people are in our lives. Everything happens for a purpose and according to the perfect design of God.




    I am keeping you in my prayers,

  • K.S.

    Dear Bobby,

    My family’s prayers are with your family at this time. I have told each of my children that God has put them here for a big job in this world. We don’t know what that job is or when it will happen. They may have already completed the job or may not complete it until they are a 100 years old. Only God will know. Think of the beautiful and joyful moments your Mary Catherine brought to you and your wife’s life. Maybe that was her job. Think of the love and grace of God you are seeing in action on this blog, maybe that was God’s job for her. She was from love, she brought love and continues to bring love through the words expressed here. God loves each of us and has big plans for each of us (His not ours), he will carry your family through this. Lean on him at this time. God’s Blessings to you and your wife (who will always be Mary Catherine’s mommy and daddy) and may he give you strength during this time and through the holiday season. May God Bless Mary Catherine’s heart and soul. +J.M.J.+

  • Florence

    “Be still and know that I am God.”

    You and your wife have suffered a great loss. As one who has traveled a similar road, please be gentle with yourselves. You and your wife will grieve differently — allow yourselves to do so. You and your wife will heal differently — allow that as well. Make a concerted effort to stay close to each other, because the dark abyss of death and grief will call you both to the very edge.
    Fr. Corapi’s message is still relevant to you, but it is less about “doing” (acting happy) and more about “being” (being warmed and healed by the love of God the Father, Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit). Allow the intercession of wee Mary Catherine to bring you comfort and peace. Know that she is safe and complete and where we all pray to be — in Heaven with our Heavenly Father.
    It was a good six months before I could even begin to function somewhat “normally” after our Ian died. Give yourselves time — the timeline that YOU need, not the timeline that someone else expect of you.
    My family and I will include you and your wife in our nightly prayers, Bobby. “The hour is late and you must rest awhile and wait until life’s reservoirs fill up as the slow rain fills an empty cup. Hold up your cup, dear Child, for God to fill. He only asks that today you be still.”

  • R

    May God keep you close to his heart. Although I’m very familiar with loss I will not put it into words. Most that have posted here share the gift of understanding this grief. Those of us that understand the loss of a child, after we begin to lead normal lives again, need to fight that much harder for pro-life endeavors. We feel this loss because it truly is tragic. Our experiences in dealing with this grief can be put to use. There are women that have aborted that feel this grief and can tell no one. There are women that have been forced into abortions and feel trapped with grief. You are very strong. When you feel that you are able to, reach out to these women. Go to your local Pregnancy Resource Center and volunteer. I promise that helping others helps you heal too. Father Corapi also said, “No guts, no glory. No cross, no crown. No suffering, no redemption.” He said that suffering is for the greater good. This may be where you are called. Because you know that all life is precious, this will make you a more valiant warrior for life. May God comfort you and bless you.

  • Gina Jones

    May God’s Love and Peace be your blanket in the dark to console you, in the cold to warm you and in grief to comfort you. I understand your grief of losing a precious life as I too experienced the death of an infant. The grief is enormous and it felt as if each day was worse than the next. I couldn’t understand it and still don’t. I was sinking into a depression that no human could help with, their words of comfort were like drops of water on an inferno, I was not wanting to get out of bed. Each day I’d ask God so many questions of Why? Where is my baby’s soul? I wanted an answer, I screamed for an answer and when I had nothing left to ask, in my numbness a blessing came. I “saw” my beloved “Baba” holding an infant and I “heard” these words “She is with Baba and your mother will see her before you.” Instantaneously I felt a rush of joy and relief!! My “Baba” (grandmother) whom I loved dearly, died when I was 10 yrs. old. I had not thought of her for so long and my mother had been suffering from a stroke at the time. I was wide awake and cannot explain in human terms how I “saw and heard” those things but I was filled with JOY. Our children are with Jesus in heaven. Jesus is in the Eucharist and you are the most intimately closest to Jesus when you receive Him in communion. Speak to Him then about your precious daughter who is even more precious to HIM and she is close to Him and you will be closest to her then. Go to an adoration chapel and be with Jesus who is so close to your daughter and sees her constantly and you will be close to her too. I believe Fr. Corapi is speaking of this type of relationship with Jesus who is the true reality. Death does not conquer because Jesus conquered death and HE is still with us today, especially so in the Eucharist as in heaven. This is the same Jesus as the one who walked the earth, died and rose again. We know who wins in the end, let us be on the same side as Jesus. Trust in Him and Him alone. This is why Fr. Corapi says allow nothing to rob your joy, with God all things are possible.

  • Trish

    Dear Bobby

    My deepest sympathies to you and your wife. I lost a baby when I was 7 months pregnant many years ago and have some idea of what you are going through. We have to acknowledge our deep sense of loss. Grieving is good and part of the healing process. Know that your little one is with God and one day you will meet her. I think Fr Corapi’s message is that we should not focus on our sadness at this time but try to look for joy in the Christmas season. We can still acknowledge our sadness but try and look for the hope in the Christmas message. The light in the darkness of our grief…It will hurt for a long time every time you see a baby but this too will pass. Know that you and your wife are in many people’s thoughts and prayers. I will say a special prayer for both youand your wife for your comfort and healing now. God Bless. Trish

  • Lucy White

    I have recently read an article that suggested offering our own sadness/suffering up for someone else who is sad/suffering, so that theirs may be relieved. There is a joy to doing this.

  • Amy

    My deepest condolences to you and your wife. It is extremely difficult when we experience loss and it seems that the only thing that helps is time. I don’t like the word “happy” either. However, what helps me is acceptance. Accepting everything as God’s perfect and holy will. Sometimes I have to pray for the desire to accept God’s will. Or when times are very, very difficult, I have to pray for the desire to desire to accept God’s will. I think it is a daily thing. Surrendering and accepting life as it comes. I will pray for you and your wife. I will pray that time will heal the wounds that are in her heart and your heart. Also, I think talking about these difficult, tragic events with patient, loving, compassionate friends helps and heals too. Sometimes we just need to talk and/or cry it all out. Whatever our process, God will heal and give you His peace. I just know it….
    God bless you both.

  • Dear Bobby, My heart, love and prayers go out to you & your precious wife. It is only right and normal that you should mourn the loss of your baby girl. I can feel your pain and sorrow. You will always miss this child, that, too, is normal. Jesus and Mary both felt sorrow and grief.

    My first grandchild lost her three first babies. The last two were twin boys, dying two weeks apart, Peter Joseph and Christopher John. Two funerals in two weeks, a lot to bear.

    At the same time, another granddaughter had triplets struggling to survive and they did! All little boys! Then God blessed my first granddaughter and all of us with Michael, who will be three in February.

    You are wrapped in Our Mother Mary’s softest Mantle as you grieve your baby. Mary Catherine is in Heaven praying for you. Picture her in Our Mother’s Arms. Peace be with you.

  • Dear Bobby,
    Please know that even in the midst of your most sorrowful moments for you and for your wife, Jesus is there! And his Mother also! You have been given this sorrow now, and it is most inexplicable, no words can console. Good friends of ours lost their firstborn many years ago, and are now celebrating the birth of a first grandchild; so pray to your little angel in heaven, and know that God will bless you all most abundantly.
    If we could all be saints in this world, then sadness would have no part in it. Most of us are mere mortals who struggle every day with what we have been given. Always remember that you are not alone; the beauty of our faith never leaves us in the dark. May our Lord bless you with children in future, and have a Christmas knowing that Mary Catherine is with you still and for always!

  • Patty

    Dear Bobby, I will pray for you and your wife. When I was 25 yrs old, I had a child also…her dad did not want to marry me and I accepted that I would be a single mom. This little baby was God’s gift to me – it was the first time in my life I experienced purity and love and joy in total innocence. Besides the pregnancy, my daughter and I had three months together before she died – sudden infant death syndrome. My heart still rips wide open when I go back to that time we had together. It’s a pain….pain like I’m gonna die of it…like an agony that is unmatched and then it passes. Why is it still like that 30 years later? It’s not because I haven’t gotten over her death and my grief….I think I have. It is totally because of that little child who was born in the cold on Christmas 2010 years ago. Had that child not been born, your child and my child and all the other children of spoken about in the other e-mails would not be in Heaven. That Child Jesus is the Portal to the only place I know my beautiful little baby is, where yours is, and where everyone’s beautiful little babies live in eternity. My personal agony is a complex mixture of all my senses that have their completion in Jesus. He is the gate – our beautiful children are safer with Him than with us in this pretty insane world. I remember telling my Tirith the night before she died, “You are just too beautiful to live in this world…” The next morning her little soul was not in her body…What could I do? God took her. I believe our little infants who die are the purest prayers mankind has to offer God. That baby of yours prays for you and your wife. Only two months ago, my daughter’s father passed away…now I know that man probably never went inside a church in his life….but he did change his life around. I had a very special dream-vision that he made it to heaven….why? His daughter’s prayers. Keep up the faith, Jesus Christ is a complex mixture of joy, agony, love, pain, suffering, going forward, falling down – remember? Keep giving that pain to the Christ Child and His Mother who experienced it all. The Christ Child Jesus is still doing a great job up there in heaven for us down here by teaching all those souls He claimed back from us to pray for us and He is our Savior – Mary’s Child. Keep immersing your grief into her love – she lost her most beautiful baby, too. God Bless you and your wife this Christmas – even if you still hurt, God Bless you!

  • Juditha

    Blessings and graces to you Bobby and wife…What about the SEVEN SORROWS OF MARY, think of that alone and realize that we all have sorrows in our lives and you are entitled to experience yours but with the Catholic faith in our heart…the sorrowful life without hope (of the ressurection) is what I believe Fr. Corapi is referring to—we are called to live a life of joy and hope even with our sorrows because of Jesus and the ressurection…if I didn’t have my Catholic faith, I would have desparied (despair is a mortal sin) of a long time ago in life with the circumstances of my sorrows experienced, (probably suicide of some kind, gunshot to the head, or drug addiction etc.– and now you can ‘see’ why some despair and some don’t…some have the faith about God and others don’t)….if you pray more and read up on your Catholic faith more, God will lighten your sorrow greatly and lead you in this life to greater joys that HE wants to give you whether it be another child or helping another individual…experience the supernatural – realize that your child is truly in Heaven praying for you…
    God bless and Merry Christmas

  • Dear Bobby,
    I am so sorry for the loss you and your wife have experienced. Your beautiful Mary Catherine was a great blessing, and I can imagine the pain you are feeling not having her with you. Your sadness is normal and even sacred – there is no way a loving parent would not feel sadness in your situation! Jesus weeps with you. Our Blessed Mother holds you in her arms. I’m sure Fr. Corapi meant that we are expected to feel a supernatural happiness as Christians – not that we should ignore or repress the sorrows of living in this “vale of tears.”
    I too lost an infant daughter, and I’ve written a book about the experience. I would be honored to send a copy to you and your wife as a gift. Over time I’ve realized the great grace I was given in the life of my daughter, and although I will always feel some sadness about her suffering and death, I have been able to come to a place of peace that surpasses understanding. I’m sure Our Lord wants that peace for your family as well.
    Please contact me if you’d like a copy of Broken and Blessed, or it you’d just like to chat with someone who has a heart for what you are experiencing.
    Many prayers are coming your way. Blessings, Cathy

  • May God bless, comfort, and heal your breaking hearts, Bobby.
    I think of Saint Paul who wrote about the fact that a distinct characteristic of Christians is our ability to both suffer unfathomably and have JOY at the same time.
    Our pastor has a little saying, “Fake it, ’til you make it”. He doesn’t suggest being trite or insincere, but rather, when you have fallen under the weight of the Cross and feel that all you can do is go through the motions…that’s OK…go ahead and do that…just go through the motions, trusting from somewhere deep in your soul that CHRIST WILL HEAL AND RESTORE.
    Being “happy” doesn’t mean we are never sad or that we never agonize in sorrow…it means that because of our faith in the promise of Christ and trust in His word that all will work for the glory of God in the end and that He allows nothing in our lives that isn’t meant to help us (even when He allows something that seems unspeakably impossible to bear) then, through our tears, and through our motions, and through our emptiness, we can still have joy…in all things, give thanks…that does not mean to be thankful for the moment of suffering…but that IN SUFFERING we can still give thanks to God for the gift of His Son. ..see? Not give thanks FOR all things but IN all things…
    And remember…JESUS WEPT….He wept with the widow over her son’s death…He wept at the passing of His dear friend Lazarus…HE wept in the Garden of Gethsemane…HE WEPT…He weeps with you and you dear, precious wife right now as you struggle to find your way back to “happiness”.
    But try to really listen to Father Corapi’s words….he said we “WILL” to be happy.
    That’s just like “fake it til you make it”…He didn’t say that we must “BE” happy…he said “WILL” (choose, strive for, determine toward, seek, reach) to be happy.
    GOD BLESS YOU BOTH and may your darling little one in heaven pray for us all that we may reach the same final goal.
    One more thing…I read a nun’s writing once who said that sometimes something that seems like a complete tragedy and even an unjust and untimely death…is actually a great act of MERCY on God’s part…He knows that soul from all eternity…and He takes a soul to heaven whenever it is MOST READY to receive Him.j
    That comforted me when my brother died at 24 and when my baby died in the womb…I hope you can find comfort in it also.

  • Paul C

    Hello Bobby. You have one child. God has blessed you with him for 8 months like He blessed me with my father for the 34 years that he did. Why’d I get so long? Why do some get longer, or shorter? You’ll know when you meet them both someday! What an eternity it will be. God has given you a blessing and God has taken His Blessing to heaven like you wanted, but sooner than humanly expected. There was a saint that answered God’s call to suffer for Him IN THE WOMB and she was crippled and lived a hard short life. Perhaps your child answered a similar call already? Perhaps your wife needs you, and perhaps you really need to grieve together and strengthen your sacremental marriage for what blessings and crosses He yet has for you.

    You will always have your child in your heart, up tight, but this time will become more distant. God needs you in your marriage right now.

  • John Laurence

    There is a great book named ‘Prison to Praise’ written by Merlin Carothers that helped me (and many millions of others) a great deal to get by tragic and traumatic experiences in my/our life. The book can be summed up in the words “Praise God…no matter what”. It sounds too simple, but upon reading the testimony in that book, you will get some incredible insight into the power and healing effects of that simple advice! Many of us experience incrdible tradgedy in life. The idea is to trust that God knows what is best for us…even though He allows such circumstances! You are in my prayers!
    God bless,

  • BOBBY … PLEASE READ THIS LINK: Not sure what happened to my other Post, but I JUST came across this quite out of the blue and I believe it’s for you!

  • James

    Please accept my heartfelt condolances for your loss. I certainly understand your comments and disagreement (if you will) with Father Corapi’s comments. Although I am in no position to speak for Father Corapi, I would like to offer my thoughts on both his and yours comments. Your pain and sadness are real and no one representing God would tell you otherwise. In fact, God understands your pain completely. Which is why He sent His Son to be with us. The reality of Christ’s eternal presence is everlasting joy while the temporary separation from Mary Catherine is a real but momentary sadness. I pray that at this time of great difficulty you can find the real joy of Christmas in knowing that because Christ was given to us you and Mary Catherine will be together forever and you will not even remember this temporary time of sadness. That is the reality of Christ’s coming. “Behold I make all things new.” God bless and know you will be in my prayers.

  • Sue

    Dear Bobby,
    My heart goes out to you and your wife at the loss of your baby. I can see where Father Corapi’s words could fall on your hearts rather hard in your particular situation and it’s good that you vented in this way as I believe it will turn out to be helpful in your healing. I have never lost a child so I cannot speak from that experience, but I have had other losses and deep wounds that cause holidays to sometimes be unbearable for me and what I got from Fr. Corapi’s message is that we know how all this ends. We know this life on earth with all it’s pain and heartache is temporary and that the next life is forever…the next life is what’s real then. And because Christ was born to die for us, we have every opportunity to look forward to that real life after this one. And there’s the joy. And that is where you will find that precious baby of yours who is sharing in the joy of heaven now, even as his mother and father are struggling with their grief of losing him. What I’ve learned to do…I kneel before the image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus every morning and I pour my heart into His. I ask Him to handle everything hurting me and causing me stress because I can’t handle it. And I’ve found out that He does handle it. For now Bobby, maybe you and your wife can just know that that joy Fr. Corapi talked about is there, really there, but that you just won’t be able to feel it for awhile due to your great sorrow. And that’s certainly understandable. I will be praying for you and your wife and making some sacrifices for your healing. Peace to you. Sue

  • Angelica

    Bobby and wife: May God be the healer of your deep sorrow, may He be the peace in your home. May God give you the strenght you need. Father Corapi says what the Gospel says. If you read 1 Thessalonians 5:16-22 you can see it, but understand that there is also a time to grieve; there is nothing wrong in crying or being sad, but the joy comes from God, I believe as a gift. When we feel sorry for our sins, when we do some time of pennance, specially during Advent, or when we have a big loss in this time, it doesn’t mean that we are failing God; and I don’t think is what Father Corapi meant; what I understand is: even in time of sorrow, love God, and from this love joy will fill your heart, it may take time for you to “feel” it (deeper wounds take more time to be healed). Do not worry if you don’t “feel” the happiness; just open your heart to Him, and everything will be given to you as well. My condolences to you and your family. May God bless you

  • Ileana

    Dear Bobby,

    I honestly cannot even begin to imagine the type of pain you and your wife having been going through. I am very very sorry.

    I have experienced great pain in my life and the sudden loss of loved ones, specifically the loss of my dad two years ago. He passed away shortly after reconciling after 15 years of not speaking to one another. With his death though, came his return to the sacraments. This was a huge relief for me because of the life my dad had lived in the past. In God’s goodness I was allowed to see the experience as a blessing instead of focusing on the injustice of losing a dad I had just found, so to speak (please know that I am not trying to say you are focusing on the wrong thing. Death of course is an injustice but because of the Incarnation and Birth of Our Lord Jesus Christ, it is not “the last word.” I am extremely thankful that I was able to find my father’s love even if only for a few short months. AND I am even more thankful that I don’t have to be afraid of dying anymore because I know that when it is my turn to go, I have a pair of loving arms waiting to receive me.
    Please know that I will keep you in my prayers.We were asked to share some of our understanding of what Fr. Corapi might have meant and that is what I was trying to do. I hope none of my words were upsetting. If they were then I am very very sorry.
    I know that Mary Catherine is in the loving arms of Our Blessed Mother Mary and her Son Jesus Christ. God bless you

  • Dear Bobby, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I have remembered you and your wife in my prayers. I know so well the feelings of loss that you are experiencing, our 29 year old son (our only son) was killed in an automobile accident (he fell asleep at the wheel after working a very long day) 9 years ago. There are no words to describe the pain of losing a child..there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t ask Jesus to tell our son that we love him, we miss him and please kiss him for us..we know were our boy is and who he is with…the knowledge of that has given us such comfort…and we have full assurance that your Mary Catherine is there too. We have very little control over events in our lives and what we do have control over we generally mess up..After our loss, I reached a point where I made a conscience decision, either I was going to let the death of our son destroy me or I would let God use my loss to shape me into the person He wants me to be. I chose the latter. You will reach that point also and I know that you and your wife will choose the same path I did. Jesus truly is the Great Physician and healer.

  • Dan

    I am so sorry that no words that I say will bring you joy. It was the death of my sister and mother that made me realize how important it is to believe and be active in my faith. I can say I truly understand better the paschal mystery from death there is life. In my case, death brought me closer to Him and I will continue to die to be closer to Him. I wish that my sister and mother did not pass away for me to appreciate more deeply my faith. My greatest goal is life is to get others and myself to Heaven – to see my mom, my sister Mary, your beautiful Mary Catherine and Jesus! I pray that you and your family grow from this.

  • Dear Bobby–

    I will pray for you and your wife and your precious daughter. I pray that you will one day again be blessed with new life. I am sorry that God has called you to suffer at this time, and hope that the prayers and love of others will bring your family moments of peace and glimpses of God’s glory. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Denise Pirrung

    Dear Bobby,
    My heart breaks for you. Remember, though you did not get to lovingly raise your sweet Mary to adulthood, she never knew her life was so short. She never felt scared or sad. Those months she lived in her mother’s womb she knew the love her family had for her, especailly her mother’s. Take comfort in knowing she does love you back….perfectly.
    Be patient with your grief. I will remember you and your wife in my prayers.
    Abiding in Jesus,

  • Marshall Hopper

    Dear Bobby,
    Suffering comes in many forms. I can hardly imagine the portion you and your wife have received. I doubt if all the platitudes would help you at this moment. Maybe later.
    I don’t believe that Fr Corapi meant that you should not experience your grief. Grieving over a loss is essential to healing. As earlier comments suggested, unite your suffering with Jesus, Who died an excruciating death at the hands of those He was trying to save, willingly, freely accepted. Mary grieved. Experiencing the depths of sorrow can help us realize the heights of joy. I believe grieving can actually bring you and your wife closer together.
    Sadness, different from grief over a loss, usually comes from loneliness. Loneliness comes from closing the door to relationships with other people and with God. I believe this meaning of sadness is what Fr Corapi means when he says it has no place in Christmas. Sadness and grief are not the same thing. Grief is an important part of human lives. Sadness is a result of our cutting off love and relationships, usually out of fear of hurt.
    So I pray you and your wife can hold on to each other, feel and share the intense grief, keep the door open to God and His love for both of you. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll come to see it was all God’s gift to you. I hope so. God’s will be done.

  • Kelvin

    Hi, Bobby.

    I shall keep you and Mary Catherine in prayer this very day.

    A friend in Singapore

  • Diane D

    Dear Bobby,
    There are no words that can ease your sorrow but be sure to cling to each other, hold on to the love that created your Mary Catherine.

    After four miscarriages and three Doctors confirming that I would never have a child, I lost my husband to bone cancer. Years later I remarried and now have two wonderful boys and two grandchildren. Miracles happen.

    To this day I don’t understand how I survived the pain of those years but I know a loving God was with me every step of the way. He promised that He would never leave us.

    God is with you Bobby..reach out to Him.

  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Leticia Velasquez and Darcy Susan Cost, thereserita. thereserita said: I Disagree With Fr. Corapi! Or A Cry For Help? – http://www.courageouspriest.com/i-disagree-with-fr-corapi-or-a-cry-for-help […]

  • Anne

    Dear Bob,
    I and my husband lost our second child, stillborn , on the day it was supposed to be born live.He was a beautiful baby boy.the cord had tightened round his neck.It was very painful at the time but time heals and the knowledge that you have a family member as an angel is comforting.Jesus transforms all sadness and pain into something good for our lives.so take courage and think of the Christ Child that was born on Christmas Day for the Salvation of Mankind without which we would have no hope.
    May God Bless you and your wife to overcome your sadness at this holy season on the birth of Jesus.My prayers for your family.

  • Bobby, I will pray for you and for your wife. I don’t have words of wisdom for you. I do know that Christ brings great joy, especially at Christmas. I have lost 19 babies in 18 pregnancies. We have Thomas buried in San Antonio, John buried in Reidsville, BC and twins buried here in Winston-Salem, NC. My most recent loss was last year, where we lost a precious little one not long after we saw its precious heartbeat. The happiness that Fr. Corapi speaks of isn’t earthly happiness, for we all experience sadness here on earth. Your wife’s hormones play a part, too. We would not be normal if we did not feel sad at the loss of a child.

    To add to our sadness, we have two living children who have a life-threatening illness that could require a bone marrow transplant. My third healthy son is not a match for my youngest, but is a match for my middle child. Joseph has been run through the donor registry and doesn’t have a match here, either. At one point, he was run through because it was believed he would be going to transplant. I don’t tell you this for pity. I tell you this because I hope my experiences can help you. Our hope and happiness come from Jesus. God knew each of us before He conceived us in our mother’s womb. I thank God for he ones I lost, for He already knew them and did not have to allow them to be conceived. These precious ones are with Him and cannot be lost to sin. We have saints in heaven that can intercede on our behalf. I know your pain and suffering. Our happiness comes from His promises and knowing that we will be reunited with them forever in heaven.

    Some would wonder why I am ever happy. I also came from a very dysfunctional family. One brother committed suicide, one died of a drug overdose and my third and only living brother has been in and out of the state pen 3 times. I have not seen him in 27 years. Abused as a child, I really could have become bitter with the things I had faced. I found Jesus and He brought me true happiness. When I later married, had children and found out two of them were chronically ill with life-threatening illnesses, I could have just let go and been sad forever. It is Christ who strengthened me and gave me hope. Through His promises, I found hope and happiness. When we lost several babies and found out Joseph did not have a match in the registry, it was Christ who got us through. True happiness is found in Him and we must cling to His cross and His promises. When we had to again bury babies and knew there was no earthly hope for Joseph to have a sibling match should he go to transplant, we had to trust in the promises of Christ. We know that God will provide a.donor for Joseph should he need a.bone marrow transplant.

    Again, I am very sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and offer our upcoming medical testing(my boys) for you and your family. We will also add your family to our Rosary intentions. I wish that I could take away the pain and suffering. I can’t. St. Josemaria has a quote about how we should carry our cross squarely on our shoulders with joy. I reply back,”I’m doing well to drag it behind me!” It is okay to drag your cross. I sometimes feel like God is pounding me into the ground with mine. I hope that you can find peace on earth at Christmas. I hope that you can find happiness in the Christ child. He is our hope and our happiness is only found in Him.

  • Debbie

    Dear Bobby and Wife,
    My sincere condolences on the loss of your precious child. I lost a child during pregnancy and understand your grief. Please know that my children and myself, along with my prayer group will be praying for you throughout this season.
    Our Lady knows of your suffering and She will be a great consolation to you when you turn to Her. She knows intimately your loss and will always be there to help you. Jesus is with you and loves you deeply, so much so that He has offered you a portion of His Cross. May He bless you with the grace to carry It and may He also bless you with a beautiful, happy and holy family. God bless you both +

  • Bobby, I see your point here. You know, my husband was saying the other day that the word “happy” may not be the best word to use in discussing what our aim should be. Rather, it is joy, a lasting joy in Christ.

    That being said, I cannot imagine your pain. I lost my 4th child at 12 weeks in utero, and I still grieve that loss 2 years later. For me, it is a loss that will always be there, but I look at it this way: there will always be a part of me that’s never quite satisfied with this life, there will always be a part that longs to meet my little one united with God someday. I have to say, it keeps me honest, and teaches me to grieve that God’s Kingdom has not yet come. When I pray “Thy Kingdom come”, I’ve learned to mean it!

    I will be thinking of and praying for both of you this holiday season. It will be very difficult, my first Christmas was hard for me (again, not even nearly what you are going through).

    Remember, God and our Blessed Mother lost their Son. They understand loss, and they will carry you both through. May you experience peace, happiness, and even joy at least in understanding that you are not alone and God will get you through this.

    For the sake of his Sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!

  • Dawn

    Dear Bobby, I am so sorry for your loss. My only child, my 8yr old son went into the hospital the day after Christmas 15 yrs. ago and would never return to our home, although he did go to his “true” home with God and I was able to experience firsthand his profound joy. I want to include a copy and paste of my own testimony that I have on facebook. I’m not sure if there is anything there that can help, but I pray that God, through our Sorrowful Mother Mary(who I am sure interceded for me in my time of need) will grant you and your wife the grace of the same peace and acceptance of our loving Father’s will. You and your wife are in my prayers.

    My Testimony of Faith

    I was born into a middle class, Roman Catholic, Irish-American family, the daughter of the town Police Chief. Although I was raised to follow the obligations of being Catholic, there was virtually no faith practiced in the home, and my family was a dysfunctional one. At an early age my quest for love & acceptance lead me to a life of alcohol & drugs. I became a victim of the culture of death & even suffered through 2 unwanted abortions. My life was a disaster, but God is so merciful. While still drinking & basically on the street (after 10 yrs. Of living with a husband who was very abusive & drug addicted) I became pregnant for the 3rd time in my life at the age of 30.

    This time would be different, by the grace of God I decided that this child would be born. Fortunately, the father of the baby was a more responsible person & we married. The moment that I learned that I was expecting a child, I immediately stopped any behavior that would be harmful to the baby. I stopped smoking, drinking, even beverages containing caffeine. I truly feel that it was miraculous. It was the happiest time of my life! When my son was almost 2yrs old he started having some health problems, & we would soon learn that he had a terminal illness. We would have another 6 wonderful years together until his passing at the age of 8.

    Many strange & miraculous things happened during his life, & I slowly became aware of the spiritual life. Although I went through the steps of following (some of) the obligations of the Catholic church, (his baptism & sending him to religious ed.) I had no faith life, & didn’t attend mass, etc. The last week of my son’s life was to be the beginning of mine. On Jan. 1 (Mary the mother of God) 1996, just after midnight, my son was taken to the ICU , put in an induced coma & put on a respirator. That was to be the last physical contact that we would have(but not spiritual!). When we were finally allowed in to see him the next morning, nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. I was totally devastated & in deep despair. On returning to the waiting area, we were told that they would call us if they needed us to come into the ICU. In total despair, & drained of all life, I rested on the sofa in the waiting room. I had no physical strength at all, & had to be helped by my husband. I was in my agony & I honestly feel that I was dying.

    All of a sudden something happened. I felt a surge of peace, warmth & strength flowing through my body & spirit. The phone then rang & I immediately “jumped” up off of the sofa & ran to my husband & told him not to worry, the call wasn’t for us!(There were other people in the waiting room besides us.) After that experience I had a new sense of knowledge. I felt things that my son was feeling, I would feel all of a sudden chilled & sense that my son was cold & call into the nurse’s station (not being able to be with him due to ICU’s strict visiting hours) &asking what was going on with him. I was told that he was running a fever & had to be uncovered & wiped down with cool water.

    Many other similar things would happen during his last week. The most important thing was that I felt a strong trust & acceptance of God’s will, no matter what. On Jan. 7th, Epiphany Sun., while I was sitting next to my son’s bed, I felt a strong sense that he wanted me to leave the room. I left & went to the chapel. Not long after I was there, I felt him with me in spirit. I felt that he was struggling between wanting to be with me(more out of concern for me) & wanting to go to Jesus. I was alone in the chapel & proceeded to talk out loud to him. I assured him that I would be alright & told him to go to Jesus. At that moment I felt an indescribable feeling. I felt a profound joy, release, a feeling of ecstatic joy! Something made me look at my watch at that moment and take note of the time. It was 5:55. I then returned to the ICU to tell my husband that he had gone, & was met at the door by the nurse to inform me of his passing, I said that I knew. I was given an actual “foretaste” of Heaven and never felt the pain of grieving. I am so grateful for this special gift which helped to carry my husband through as well as our families.

    The night of his passing we made it home after a grueling drive in the biggest blizzard that we had seen in years. I will never forget what would happen on our return home. The snow had stopped and the sky was clear. As we walked up the driveway to the house, I all of a sudden looked up and saw the largest, brightest star that I had ever seen. It was shining over the house. I knew what it was immediately and told my husband, “look, it’s Phillip’s star!’ As the three wise men would follow the star and bring their gifts to the baby Jesus, I also gave Jesus the most precious gift that I had, my son. The baby Jesus was smiling down on us, and the bright star was Phillip’s time to shine! Another saint entered into Heaven, and he would take me with him! It was truly “my” epiphany, my eyes had been opened to the truth!

    When we would later receive the death certificate, I immediately looked for the time of death, & it was 5:55. My life would never be the same, I knew that anything contrary to God could not be a part of me any longer. I was miraculously infused with the Truth, anything else had to go! I proceeded to return to the church, made my first confession in about 25 yrs., taught myself how to pray the rosary & immersed myself in spiritual reading.(First the bible, then the saints & Theology.) Since then I have grown very much in the spiritual life, thanks be to God. This knowledge of the Truth that I have been given makes it very difficult to live in this culture of death & deception and I will do all in my power with God’s grace to fight against it and to try and save as many souls from the grasp of the evil one that I can, especially the youth!

  • Bobby,
    On Nov. 1, 2004, our 8 lb, 3 oz grandson was stillborn. He was perfectly formed in every way & his ultrasound the week before was completely normal. Just last week, my daughter pointed out a little boy in the first grade & said, “This year he (her son) would’ve been in 1st grade.” That just to say, that yes, we feel the pain of you & your wife! And, No, there is nothing anti-Catholic or anti-Christian about those feelings. As a matter of fact, the late great Fr. John Hardon SJ & John Paul II both had something to say about Suffering & Christmas:

    Please be assured of my prayers for your family!!!

  • Dear Bobby,
    I will remember you and your wife in prayer the next time I receive Holy Communion. I believe that Father Corapi was trying to convey the message that we as Catholics, most especially during the Season of the Birth of Christ Jesus, should have joy in our hearts. We have joy because Christ in his most perfect love and obedience to the Will of the Father, God Almighty, was born a babe in the manger… he lived and knew (truly knew, even sorrow of heart) all that man knows… and he gave of his very life – so that we too would have Eternal Life. We are called to joy! What joy we have known, most especially each and every time we partake of Holy Communion – the Real Presence, the body and blood, soul and divinity of the Risen Christ. Yes, sorrow comes to each of us, because long ago sin entered the world. Yet even in our times of sorrow, our times of trial… we can have joy in our heart, that hope for eternal life. Joy is beyond a mere feeling, which comes and goes… joy says yes Lord, you are my Savior and in You I find hope and healing, I find peace and forgiveness… I find my way to heaven. I pray, Bobby, that you and your wife choose joy this Holy Season, and that you give to the Lord all of your pain and confusion, all of your sorrow and sadness… because He is the only one that can heal your wounded hearts. So, please, come to Him and pour out everything… because He alone makes all things new.
    Peace & Prayers to you and your wife this Blessed and Holy Season of the Christ Child.

  • Linda

    P.S. I realized many years ago when my Grandfather, who was 91, died that it is possible to experience both sadness and happiness. I was so sad that he left us he was such a wonderful and faithful person and it broke my heart to see my Grandmother without him.
    But I was rejoicing inside to know that he was now in Heaven and I came to understand that that is where I want to be. I was not a practicing Catholic at the time, but I soon returned and have been a faithful Catholic since 1992.

  • Linda

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My husband and I also lost our first born son an hour after birth in July of 2000 and also lost our second son at 18 weeks gestation in August 2001 and another baby was miscarried in 2002. Nothing in this world can conpensate us for this loss.
    I know some will say it gets better but, I learned after speaking with a family friend, who was 70 at the time, about the children she lost. When she described her losses it was if it happend yesterday although it had been nearly 50 years. It does give me comfort knowing my children are safe in Heaven, but the Christmas season is a challenge for us. Even though we now have a 6 year old daughter, I still can’t help but think about how it would be with all of them together at Christmas.
    I think I understand what Fr. Corapi is saying, though. Being happy isn’t the kind of feel good kind of happiness. It is more deep and spiritual. The best advice I can give to the family and friends of parents who have lost a child is to be supportive and give them space and don’t try to explain why this happened. Only God can explain it. And especially DON’T say you can have other children, you would never tell a widow she can always remarry. You can’t replace people, we are each unique and irreplacable.
    Linda in Arizona

  • Jacqueline

    My husband and I have had three miscarriages so I know what it is like to lose a baby. The only thing that gives me joy is that these three babies will greet me in heaven… oh how I look forward to that day, and spending eternity with them.

    Prayers for you and your family going up.

  • Mary Frances Smith

    Dear Bobby,

    I will offer my Mass and Communion for you and your wife today and will remember you in my prayers each day, especially at Communion. I know a little of what you’re going through and what you’re feeling. I lost two babies to miscarriage and then two years ago a grandson shortly after his birth. I was able to hold and kiss Hayden Michael before he died. Being there was one of the extreme privileges of my life – to be there with a saint, a saint who is part of my family!! As parents our job is to get our children to heaven, and here my son and his wife had succeeded as you and your wife have.

    The day after Hayden died (of a fatal form of dwarfism) I was at daily Mass. At Communion I had a very, very strong feeling that Hayden was standing next to me – towering over me – my little grandson who, in life here on earth (had he lived) would never have been as tall as even his very short grandmother. And I thought of how we are made perfect to enter Heaven. I also thought of how we join the angels and saints every time we are at Mass, so I know I am with Hayden (and all the deceased members of my family who’ve made it to Heaven) at each Mass.

    May God bless you and your wife with consolation at the reality that you have sent a child to Heaven – and that on earth you can still be with Mary Catherine at Mass and then hopefully join her one day in Heaven to celebrate an eternity of Christmases like you never could on earth.

    Mary Frances

  • Dave Wilson

    Hi Bob,
    We had quite a bit of trouble with our second, and found female-related issues that caused doctors to tell us that we should be happy wih what we had, and not to expect any more. We were sad, but listened to our doctors. Five years later, when my Janet found she was pregnant, we were overjoyed. We lost him, after just enough time to think that we really wanted more kids. God granted our wish the next year, with twins, and close on their heels, another boy. I still think of the one we lost, every December 16th. Can’t help it. But I also thank God for the five we do have. Please believe me, that it gets better. It takes time, and prayer. You and your wife will have my prayers. Try to remember that Mary Catherine is with Him, where we all want to be. As Teddy says above, hang in there, and hold onto your wife. And pray.

  • Paul

    Fr. Corapi said something else which always stayed with me. It was:

    Despair is a great sin – because in despair you are saying that there are events outside of God’s control.

    Merry Christmas!

  • Dear Bob,

    Losing a child sucks on toast. Been there, done that. This is an especially bad time of year for it (although there is no “good” time). I’ll pray for you and your wife. God bless you.

  • Mary G.

    Bobby, my husband and I lost a child, too. He was stillborn more than 20 years ago. It still hurts even now. You are your wife are in mourning now. It’s OK to feel sad at Christmas, especially this Christmas. Let yourselves mourn because it is a part of a healing process that God provides. Of course she cries at night. I did, too. Night time is when you don’t have to answer to people who ask if you are OK. But, I think that if you can, try to get what joy you can of the season. Do little things like go around to see neighborhood decorations, or maybe a Christmas choir performance. The tears will mingle with the smiles. God understands this cross you carry. He loves you and wants to console you.

  • Mary


    Peace to you Bobby and your wife. Know that this sorrow shall pass! Keep your mind and heart fixed on things above. God did not create us for this life here on earth, but we were created to be with Him forever in Heaven. His great love for Mary Catherine impelled Him to take her to Himself as soon as He could.
    When Our Lady appeared to Bernardette at Lourdes, she said to Bernardette, something I have often pondered in times of my trails of my life, and it was this, “I cannot promise you happiness in this life only in the next.”
    Take your suffering and united it to Christ’s suffering. Such an offering will have an infinited value in the eyes of God. How many souls will benefit from this gift you have offered to Our Heavenly Father. Say often in the pain of your sorrow: “Jesus, I trust in you”
    St.Padre Pio, said: “If we only knew the value of suffering, we would ask for more.” Our Lord does not want us to ask for suffering, but when it comes into our lives, let us accept it and unite to Jesus. No one has ever suffered more than He did, and willing did so for love of us, in order that Mary Catherine, you and your wife, and the rest of humanity could be with Him in Heaven.

    Hail and blessed be the hour and moment in which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary, at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. In that hour, vouchsafe, O my God! to hear my prayer and grant my desires, through the merits of Our Savior Jesus Christ, and of His Blessed Mother. Amen

  • Hey Bob,

    Peace be with you and your wife and I am truly sorry for your loss. When I was sixteen, my mom was pregnant with her 4th child. I remember how happy the whole family was and how we were so excited for the arrival of a new addition to the fam. My mother the happiest of all. She was older by that time and I remember the health sacrifices she made in order to ensure the baby was born healthy. She didn’t care though and was just as happy as can be. The baby was born still and it was devastating to us all. I remember my father walking in the door to tell us: tall, erect, “the baby died”, it was the first time I saw him cry.

    The next couple of years was rough but we stuck together and found happiness, if not more happiness in what we had. There were many sad moments, angry moments; don’t get me wrong. That was just natural, but my parents worked hard and we followed their example. As time passed, we seemed more grateful for the family we had and treasured the company of each other more. We missed the company of Elizabeth but we were comforted with the faith that we would see her again.

    My heart breaks for your loss. I will begin a novena to St. Joseph today for you and your wife. He never fails so have faith in the fact that your pain will ease and joy will return to your family this Christmas holiday.

    Hang in there, brother. It gets better. Be there for your wife, be patient even when she gets angry. You be her rock.



  • Virginia F. Narboneta

    Dear Bobby,

    What about explaining to your wife that Mary Catherine is now an Angel – with whom you can communicate through her – with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and most especially to Our Blessed Mother. I know that there are so many problems that happens in the course of all our lives, but we should not be sad for a long time. Times heal all sadness. Maybe now you can really still feel Mary Catherine’s lost, and that is understandable. But still, pray the Rosary with your wife as often as you can. Miracles happen, truly!

    And also why not consider that Mary Catherine’s death is just paving your family’s way to a more happy and more fruitful life with not only Mary Catherine but with so many more children that you would want to have.
    Keep the faith, Bobby.

    Or maybe think that Mary Katherine might have that unbearable illness that only our Lord and our Blessed Mother have seen it – that the doctors did not see – that THEY only kept you from the further pain of seeing your child with maybe an incurable disease.

    I am 61 years old and never married and I enjoy my nephews and nieces from that of my 2 brothers and our sister. I can feel you lost even if I do not have a child for myself. Because I also feel the pain whenever one of my nephew or niece become sick, or when any of them experience loneliness, or rejection.

    I understand that you are still young – you still have a lot of chances to have as many children that you want to have. Please do not loose hope.

    With you in the love of Jesus & our Blessed Mother.

    Virginia – from the Philippines

  • i lost 2 babies before birth and had to bury one of them myself.but we went on to have 5 more beautiful children even though the last one was born with down syndrome.if you read a biology book you will find that most babies do not survive childbirth due too a serious medical problem so God was sparing you a sad future of medical problemsat least now they are very happy in heaven and you can still have more chidren,love john rodrigues

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